Play With The Prose II — Challenge #11: Mall Santa

Round eleven of head-to-head challenge with Fiction 59 (59-word stories) required the involvement of a mall Santa Claus. This can only spell trouble:

“So little girl, have you been naughty or nice this year?” the mall Santa asked, only to be answered by a round of quiet giggling.

Five minutes later Santa emerged from the bathroom stall and then nodded to Tina the Elf, who was still adjusting her bra and top. Definitely naughty, Santa decided, with a twinkle in his eyes.

  • It’s funny how our two submissions worked off the same idea.

Downward trend? RESULTS

Mine was submission #1 for this challenge — the judges’ comments:
MATTHEW: Nice that these two stories were paired with one another. Not so nice that they made me wanna hurl a little. The first was pretty rote, which in a sense I’m glad for, considering where “little girl” can lead one in a sexual Santa story. Story 2 latched onto the bizarre and misbegotten right from the get-go, and unfortunately it was the insistence of putting all those yuletide puns in the story that kept it from working for me on a shock level. WINNER: #1

Novak – I definitely figured we’d get more of these topics than we’ve seen so far. Y’all really haven’t disappointed with your creativity – I very rarely see too much of something expected. And when I do see something expected, it’s always handled really effectively, just like it is here. They both show instead of tell, and they both paint clear pictures. #2 is a bit more creative (and crass, but it works here), so that gets the edge.

ANDY: Good old CdL depravity. Strange that these got paired together. I’m giving this one to #2, which doesn’t pull any punches, has a great last line, and keeps us in the moment.

WINNER: Melissa David

The more things change…well, you know the rest.


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