Play With The Prose II — Challenge #5: Jerk

Round five of head-to-head challenge with Fiction 59 (59 word stories) had to deal with a jerk. Yes, that’s right. Well, here we go:

“Steve-o!” Thad dropped himself onto one of the wire-backed stools. “Nice outfit! Does it come with matching frilly panties?”

“I don’t…”

“…Shaddap, and bring me a cherry cola, with two shots of cherry this time.”

Steve whipped off his hat and placed it on the counter, untied the red apron, wadded it up, and threw it in Thad’s face.

  • Yep, TWO jerks in this one — Thad the jerk and Steve the soda jerk.

Winning streak? RESULTS

My story was AGAIN submission #1 in the head-to-head — the judges’ comments:
MATTHEW: Heeeeeey JERK! The Jerkiness in story #1 was rightly handled: with the kind of moment that is backed by a swell of 80s power pop, driving the protagonist of the teen movie into a training montage that allows him to get the girl in the third reel. Story 2′s jerkishness is very familiar, but you gotta give the edge to the story that features a little redemption. WINNER: #1

Novak – To be honest, I’m torn here. These are both straight-forward jerk stories (the first time I accidentally misread #1 to imply that Steve-O was the one sitting down and ordering, like right after getting off a shift, which would have been a fantastic twist). Both work well but leave me wanting a little more. I think the victim perspective adds a little more character, so #2 wins in my “Close Call” of the challenge.

ANDY: Close call on this one. Two, nice, solid stories that work well within the word limit. Can’t find much fault with either. I’m going with #1 today. I feel that the “jerk” was brought much more center stage, and that’s going to be the deciding factor in this one.

WINNER: David Larson

Winning streak! Momentum!


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