Spookymilk Survivor Challenge #13: Road Trip Spin

Spookymilk’s WGOM writer’s challenge is in its 13th week; everyone brought their A game. This week’s challenge was to write the travel brochure that makes a trip to five lame landmarks sound interesting, with four taken from a given list, and one (real) landmark of your own choosing.

I came up with a concept right off the bat, but made several times made adjustments after rereading the instructions — there was a lot of room for interpretation on this one. (results) — my results were so-so, and this week The Winner Group was defeated by fractions of a point.

Here are the seriously lame landmarks from which we had to choose four:

  1. Biggest ball of twine
  2. Cow pasture
  3. Corn maze
  4. Flattest county in America
  5. World’s smallest waterfall
  6. World’s largest empty warehouse
  7. World’s tallest known blade of grass
  8. World’s tallest midget
  9. A strip mall containing nothing but coffeehouses
  10. The childhood home of the tour guide
  11. Amateur day at a sewage treatment facility
  12. Museum of beige afghans
  13. The used Christmas tree dumping grounds
  14. Museum of kindergarten art projects
  15. Hardware Hank
  16. Joe Don Baker film festival
  17. Madison and Susie’s lemonade stand on 4th street
  18. The morning checkers game at the local cafe
  19. Roy’s taxidermy
  20. A popular hangout for drug dealers

The trip brouchure:

Brown County, nestled in scenic southwestern Ohio, is the home to countless attractions. Here are just a few that you will be seeing on your remarkable week-long trip:
  • Roy’s Taxidermy in Higginsport is the site where infamous serial killer Roy Chapwell once lived and had his macabre display of his victims mounted in various positions in his basement. Within this museum are his personal effects and gruesome artifacts (note, actual victims’ bodies are NOT on display), as well as the history of how law authorities were able to eventually apprehend Mr. Chapwell. Also, a short distance away is the beautiful OhioStar Casino and Resort.
  • The Brown County Christmas Tree Recycling Center in Ripley, what may be Ohio’s largest of its kind, is a truly remarkable place. Christmas trees from all around Brown County (and neighboring counties!) are collected here throughout the year, becoming a veritable rabbit wildlife sanctuary. During the dry period in July-August a person may be lucky enough to see one of the massive conflagrations which seem to occur on a yearly basis – consider watching it from the safe confines of your room at the nearby Ohio River Belle Casino.
  • The Hardware Hank store in Mount Orab was the 137th built in the US, and the statue of “Hank” out front, resplendent in his painter’s hat and white overalls, is the largest in the country. You can fill all your hardware needs here, plus just across the street is the Miami Indian Nation Casino and Buffet.
  • The annual weekend Joe Don Baker Film Festival in Georgetown is held every first Saturday & Sunday of September at the Heart of Brown County Casino ballroom. Past festivals have featured panels of Joe Don experts, look-alike contests, and even the gang from Mystery Science Theater 3000. Note: no firearms are allowed at this event.
  • The Brown County Casino Chip Museum in Hamersville is a definite must-see. Besides chips from all 27 of the Brown County casinos, you’ll find the world’s largest collection of broken penny slot machines, an exact duplicate of the Bellagio Casino vault plans movie prop from Ocean’s Eleven, and the blackjack table where Roy Chapwell was shot — only a few of the memorable exhibits you’ll find here. You will spend the night at the High Class Hotel & Casino and take advantage of weekend discounts!
Enjoy “spending” some quality time in friendly Brown County, Ohio on your trip, and build a lifetime of memories. And remember to bring a wad of cash with you!
***information compliments of the Brown County Visitors Association, and the Brown County Casinos Board***

One of the goals of putting a spin on a horrible road trip is to try make it interesting enough to actually make some money on it. And to me, that has “casinos!” written all over it. To make it even more over the top, I decided to feature a casino at every landmark. And then be sure to give a nod to the Casinos Board for their input into the trip.

I wanted to choose somewhere near a river, where riverboat casinos might be found, and settled on southern Ohio, just arbitrarily picking Brown County. Humerously, there are less than 50,000 people in the entire county, and in choosing from of the more interesting sounding town names, learned that some of them had less than 1000 population.

BTW, MST3K did their thing to a Joe Don Baker film, Mitchell, and after he threatened the MST3K gang, they reviewed Final Justice as well (skewering it even worse).


One response to “Spookymilk Survivor Challenge #13: Road Trip Spin

  1. When I saw “Brown County” I was hoping you were referring to MN, where New Ulm is the county seat.

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