Spookymilk Survivor Challenge #10: Fortunately/Unfortunately

After suffering our first cut last week (we hardly knew ya, Zack!), in week ten of Spookymilk’s WGOM writer’s challenge, The Winner Group came to play hardball. This challenge was an entertaining one: Given the following two sentences, compose 6-12 follow-up lines, each starting alternately with “fortunately” or “unfortunately”:

  • I gave up smoking a few hours ago.
  • Mary had a little lamb.

This was an absolute beatdown (results part 1/part 2) — we did it for you, Z-man! Here was how I progressed the fortunately/unfortunately series for these two lines:

I gave up smoking a few hours ago.
  1. Fortunately, I probably will only have cravings during high-stress times.
  2. Unfortunately, the 200 lbs. of TNT strapped to the bridge support girder across from me is creating a bit of stress.
  3. Fortunately, I was able to find a well-concealed location to place the TNT, out of sight from the krauts above me.
  4. Unfortunately, I will no longer be well-concealed after I light the fuse and high-tail it a safe distance away.
  5. Fortunately, I won’t be fumbling for a cigarette during any of this.
  6. Unfortunately, I sure could use that Zippo lighter that I no longer carry…

I love how everything came back around full-circle. Have to thank my AZ bro for the seed for this one, and my IA bro for reminding me that it was a “Zippo” lighter. I was concerned with using a lit fuse, though: every WWII flic uses a long spool of wire and a battery/plunger arrangement. I thought about using the Civil War and “rebs” and a supply train instead, but then it would be matches instead of a lighter, and chances are most everyone would carry matches anyway back then. Quitting smoking really wasn’t a goal in either time period, though — sue me.

Mary had a little lamb.
  1. Unfortunately, not little enough to fit in the overhead compartment above Mary’s airline seat.
  2. Fortunately, Mary had had the foresight to have her lamb checked instead.
  3. Unfortunately, she really is lost without a service animal with her at all times.
  4. Fortunately, Steve, in the seat next to her, is really helpful.
  5. Unfortunately, while he’s no service animal, Steve is certainly an “animal”, and the “help” he’s providing isn’t what Mary needed.
  6. Fortunately, it was a short flight.
  7. Unfortunately, Mary’s lamb, stowed near Steve’s luggage, destroyed all of Steve’s business clothes, and the airline isn’t as responsive to complaints from an annoying dick.

I had no real goal with this one. The first line just came to me, and then it evolved into a challenge to see where it would go. The only way a lamb could even think about being on a plane would be as a service animal, goofy as that would be. As things proceeded, I had to work to bring the lamb back into the picture, so I added a little karma to the final outcome. Should have really worded that line “Unfortunately for Steve, …” though.

Unfortunately, we’ve set a high standard for ourselves for next week’s challenge. Fortunately, I think The Winner Group is up to the task.


One response to “Spookymilk Survivor Challenge #10: Fortunately/Unfortunately

  1. It was great, Runner. This whole round was excellent; I’d say at least four or five of my ten favorites ever in this challenge showed up last night.

    It’s not only that they were good; they were all so unexpected. One can tell that we’re heading toward a very competitive endgame.

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