Spookymilk Survivor Challenge #5: Bantam Bulwyr

The most recent weekly challenge from Spookymilk’s WGOM writer’s challenge was an interesting one: in the spirit of Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, write an opening to a novel that is absolutely horrible.  Oh, and preferably, make us laugh.  The Winner Group was back to its winning ways again; here are the results.

This was an interesting challenge in that I was on vacation for pretty much the entire week, so I had to remember to spend some time on it, and get it submitted before the deadline. That said, it was perfect in that we only had a 30-word maximum to work with, so it wasn’t too involved, and with a 14 hour drive to northwestern Minnesota, I had some time to mull it over in my head. My first idea, with a few tweaks, was what I ended up submitting:

“I’ve never been in an affair before,” worried Harry O’Cyrus, maneuvering his semi on another Tehatchapi-to-Pocatello run. “If I ever get married, I shall have to be careful.”

 
Just that simple. I don’t remember where the idea of having the main character concerned about an affair came from, but with that seed, I then thought it would be excellent if it turned out that he wasn’t even married yet. I had to have a lame name for him, and using an Irish twist on an Egyptian god (of course with the given name “Harry”) proved just the trick. Lastly, I thought a long haul truck driver would be an unsuitable profession to be worrying about an affair, and had him driving between my two favorite (and unusual sounding) Union Pacific stations.

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